he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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