omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
