So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
