Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
