You can't special order awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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