wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
