I am puke
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
