i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize