He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
