I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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