Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
