I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
