i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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