He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
