I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize