The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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