I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
