blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
