Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize