Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
