I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
