Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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