what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
