is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
