Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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