You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
