I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
