i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this boner is exhausting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize