oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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