they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
