quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
