OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
