my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
