I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
