my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize