just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
