1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
