I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
