the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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