Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
