I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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