Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
