You made me cry and you don't even care
farters have to be the big spoon...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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