I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
