dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
