pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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