he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
