Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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