Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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