People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There are leaves in my underwear?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
