Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm both gender and math confused
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
