why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
