i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
