My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
