She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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