I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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