He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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