Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize