Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
