My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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