I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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