you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
