I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
