You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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