Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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