i think my mom watched the whole time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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