chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
