WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
