ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
