I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
