well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
