You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
