My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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