you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
