I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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