Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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