What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
