so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
