Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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