Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
