This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
