4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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