I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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