youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize