i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
