you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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