i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize