And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
