She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
