happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
