Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
