my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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