The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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