Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just puked most of my soul out..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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