i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I won the penis lottery.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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