Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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