just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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