Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
