Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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