He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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